I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Two words: nipple clamps
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