I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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