if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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