I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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