I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
A bitchslap is in order.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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