i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
