You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
