my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
