Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
