we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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