Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
