I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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