My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
