im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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