Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
