there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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