College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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