you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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