So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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