You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
