youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
4 words: hood of his car
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
