i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
