1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
