I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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