It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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