that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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