Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
