I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
