please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
