we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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