I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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