It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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