Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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