So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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