i permit you to call me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
