You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
