I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize