gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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