what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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