I just saw a hot homeless man
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
