I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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