He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
