if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
