Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
