Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
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Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
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This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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