can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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