Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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