is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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