I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
