my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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