umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
