mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize