OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
