Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
