I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
