lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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