Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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