If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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