I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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