there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
