i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
