stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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