I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
