whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
