TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
