omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
