When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
