just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
