If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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