The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
