i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
