Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
